Your children realize and understand your relationship more than you think they do even if you hide it, and yes it does affect them. Have you ever wondered what your children say about your marriage to their peers, how they feel and how it affects them? Here are ten things that your child/children could be saying about you or your spouse that indicates that your marriage might be in need of some extra attention or even external professional support.
- My dad never looks happy when he is home.
- My parents don’t do anything together.
- I always catch my mum crying.
- I hate when my dad shouts at my mom.
- My mum always wins the fights at our house.
- My mum and dad hate each other.
- I wish I had other parents; we never do anything as a family.
- I don’t want my dad to leave my mum.
- My dad doesn’t allow my mom to…
- Mom says my dad is a cheapskate.
If your child/children have ever described you, your spouse or your marriage in any of those ways then there are serious problems. Based on each statement the following scenarios could possibly be the problem:
- Not enough communication
- You argue all the time
- As a wife, you always browbeat/ bully your husband thus making him seem like less of a man
- You have a controlling husband who doesn’t compromise and tells your wife what to do.
- You’ve cheated on your spouse
- Your spouse mistreat you or vice versa
- There is no quality family time as you allow work or other things to take over your life
- There is no spark in the marriage
The Affect Of An Unhappy Marriage
Studies have shown that bad marriages do affect children. It affects how they react to others, their grades and some older children end up indulging in binge drinking and other illegal substances to forget the problems at home. As a couple and for the benefit of the children and your marriage you need to know how to work out your problems without having huge arguments in front of them. To avoid your children saying negative things about your marriage learn to be discreet if an argument is brewing while the children are nearby, end it. Children are very wise, however, so even if you do not argue in front of them but always look sad or there is no obvious show of affection between each other they will realize that something is wrong. Try to keep the spark in the marriage, be caring with each other, still kiss and hug regularly just as you did when you were courting. Flirt with each other.
Try to have as much family time both as a couple and a family, have game nights, go on romantic dinners, have picnics and play games. Talk to your children and to each other. Seek to know what is going on in each other’s lives and to be a motivator to each other versus criticizing or complaining.
More Things You Can Do To Help
Learn to compromise and not dictate to your spouse. It is said that in marriage two shall become one. Even when you consider that your husband is the head, you the wife, should have a say as well. When problems arise, instead of confiding in a friend or family member, work it out with your spouse. Get in the habit of never going to bed angry. Let your partner know how you feel and vice versa. Remember to effectively deal with conflicts that will arise in your marriage you need to know, adjust and accept each other’s differences. All those things will help put and end to the negative things your children may say about your marriage.
At the end of the day, the love you have for your children and spouse should drive you to try and have a strong loving relationship. Remember every grain of energy you put in your relationship will come back to you through your children. Look at your marriage and ask yourself is this what I want our offsprings to experience. Are my child/children happy about coming home and do I have a happy marriage? If the answer is no then it is time to put in some extra work towards fixing the problems.