The Ambitious Wife And Mum

How To Strike The Right Balance

It is a well known fact that motherhood sometimes brings along a sense of guilt. Sometimes we may feel guilty that we do not spend quality time as we would want with our children. We may also feel some sense of guilt when we dedicate much time to our kids and less time on other things like meal planning or house work. Sometimes we feel a sense of guilt as we pursue our own ambitions and dreams, because this could mean that we cannot play our roles as the perfect mum we really want to be.

Here are four tips that will help us strike the right balance in playing our roles both as wife and mother.

Give others an Open Listening ear:

This is often the difficult part. Your husband and children are, on many occasions, the only people that will be completely honest with you. However, the delivery of the message may at times be very brutal and therefore difficult to receive. Having said that, you owe it to yourself and them to listen. Listen, not just for the sake of your family and your marriage but because in order to truly understand things from their perspective you need to hear them out. By doing that you will be able to respond appropriately to their specific need, or ask relevant questions so that you gain clarity on the main issue being discussed. It can be selfish and even rude to just be waiting your turn to speak, without truly listening as a loved one shares about his or her feeling. It’s even worse when you decide to cut them off mid sentence so that you can speak about what is on your mind.

Savour Your Time Together:

Pursuing your dream may translate to spending more time away from your home than you would ordinarily want to. Hence it is very important that the time you spend together with your family counts. Spend quality time with your husband and children when you are together with them. Turn off your computer or cell phone or any other distraction that can divert your attention from your family, or use it together. Be sincere about spending time just for them.

On the other hand, avoid giving in to the “mum guilt” that tempts us sometimes to be overly permissive to give our children a whole lot of stuff they do not really need in order to make up for the moments we were not available. More stuff will not make up for less time. Develop an appropriate friendship with each family member, so that you meet that where they are at and together you can grow your relationship in a loving and powerful way.

Don’t compare:

It is easy to take a look at our colleagues and friends and believe that their lives are better than ours. We can find ourselves watching our career minded friends and neighbours leave for work every day, looking gorgeous and put together in their high heels and tailored suits. While they themselves on the other hand would be willing to do anything to spend more time at home with their kids and constantly worry about how they are missing out on the very important things in life.

Comparing your circumstances with that of someone else will serve no other purpose than to make you go crazy with self doubt.

Start with Being grounded Spiritually:

Okay, so I’ve written this as my last point but I think it should govern everything you do. Having a spiritual practice helps you to be centred, calm and committed. The time you spend in prayer, devotion, in spiritual studies will help you to develop a closer walk with your creator and thereby remind you that you don’t have to do things in your own strength, because you’re not alone.  You will feel more prepared to make choices and stand in confidence by your decisions. In addition having a spiritual connection will help you to be more tolerant of others, especially when you don’t see eye to eye on a matter. Trying to do it all on your own strength is just far more difficult and frustrating. If you are not certain where to go, spend less time talking and more time listening. Often times we ask God to direct us on what to do but we forget to wait for his answer.

There you have it! I believe that by incorporating these simple elements into your life you will be able to create more of a loving relationship with your family and thereby receive their blessings as you go out to pursue your ambitions and dreams.